Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
