Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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