I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
