Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
