i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
