Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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