Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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