Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
