Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
