Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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