he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
