is this the sara with the beer cane?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
