Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
