I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize