I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
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I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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