She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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