i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
