how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize