Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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