I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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