I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
