I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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