her vagine was all disorganized.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
