the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
