she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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