dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
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I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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