i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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