During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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