I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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