She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
