Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
