census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
