alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
