yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
