lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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