who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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