Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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