What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
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My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
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Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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