Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have fence marks all over my body
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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