paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize