Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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