I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
