just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
