Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
