I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize