you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
