Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am midnight drunk by noon
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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