Me too!
barbara walters just said penis...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
