Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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