guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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