Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
