My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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