he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
