Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
