I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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