how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
