i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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