i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
